Those Words given by A Dad That Helped Me as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct words "You aren't in a good place. You require support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to open up between men, who often internalise damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to request a respite - spending a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "poor actions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to things that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."